“Come what may…”

“Everyday it’s a-gettin’ closer
Goin’ faster than a roller coaster
Come what may…” B. Holly

Breathing the morning. Getting up early to have a little time to waste. I enjoy the stripey blue sky / wooden shutter view I get when waking up in my new bedroom. Not sure about the wide balcony window situation in the other room. I definitely need something like a curtain to not feel so exposed. Tsk. Me thinking about curtains. Tsk.

I’ve slowly started the moving process. Got one room painted, need to pain another one that’s quite big and might take two days. Have already shifted clothes and cds. I HATE garbage separation. It’s fine for everyday garbage but not for a massive tidy out of a whole house. I enjoy painting walls although it takes longer than I had thought. But it feels good to be busy with something that takes a little less thinking and to get rid of the constant feeling of ‘I must have forgotten something’ that kept nagging on me lately. I usually enjoy coordinating stuff for the MV but from time to time it takes over too much of my thinking and starts haunting me like a little ghost that clings to your ankles and is all cute so you can’t hate at it but still it takes twice as much energy to keep moving if you carry it with you. Maybe a ghost would make a proper motif for the next ORCHID poster. Still had no cool idea for it. Would love to (ab)use another ‘pleureuse’ with cutting up and moustache and collage work but am not sure if it isn’t too boring to have a similar picture twice. Hmmm….

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I’m looking forward to our robot party on the 28th of august, next Friday. At the same time it’s a bit sad that it’s also some kind of goodbye party for Simon who mainly organises the robot party and will move to Madrid in September. He will be missed. We’ll try to make it a night to remember and will meet on Wednesday to make proper robot costumes  and hopefully we will find time to make some extra parts for guests to put on. If someone wants to join us and help with making costumes and decoration or make a robot-head or something for yourself, get in touch! We plan to meet for it on Wednesday night. I still got no clue how to make a robot head that’s comfy and lets me use the headphones I need for djing. Wish I had a little more time cause I’d love to do something with tiny LED lights but got no clue how.

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HEALTH is my new favourite live band. Along with EDIE SEDGWICK it leads my ‘best shows in 2009’ charts. Love how much they seem to be into their music while playing. Love how they seem to use every wave of feedback and noise consciously and skillfully while at the same time they are all rhythm/movement/in-the-moment. Not necessarily a contrast but often is. Also love that there still are noise bands that don’t have that smell of back-to-nature esoterics that most of the times sets my caydar (conservatism radar) on alarm. Love their sense of melodies. Love their sense of fashion too. Oh, and I loved that there were so many people at the show and stayed so long afterwards although it was a Monday night.

Other news: I’m thinking about letting go off my self-hosted website cause it still gets shown by google as hacked / spreading malware although I’ve wiped my whole webspace clean and only got a tiny forwarding htm to my blog on wordpress online. Don’t know what else to do but in this state it’s useless and even if it’s not that expensive there’s no reason to keep paying Servage when the site is down for months. Tsk. And sites like soundcloud or fairtilizer are also good for hosting tunes so I guess I’ll go for such a ‘decentralized’ web presence.

Well, I’ll go back to the painting job now. Listening to the second Dexter audio book.

“My inky hands” – hm.

“My inky hands will stain your blouse, your good blouse.”
The Paper Chase

As you might have recognized from my silence here I spend more time on facebook (www.facebook.com/evemassacre) and twitter (www.twitter.com/evemassacre) these days as those seem less flooded with advertising and spam and thus more fun as little communication and entertainment tools while working.
But also I’m more and more often lost for words which I find a bit scary because writing to me always has been something necessary. Something I do to make myself slow down and assure myself that I’m really there. Something like an anchor to which I knot all the lose ends of the things and thoughts that flood through my life so I don’t get lost in it. We’ll see how good I’ll be in giving that more room again.

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Right now I’m sitting here in my kitchen-studio typing these lines into my new notebook (thanks again for the lenovo recommendation, works wonderful and I’m especially surprised by the cooling system as after a few hours my old notebook got so hot you could burn your lap), I’m typing away and watch the sun disappear behind clouds that have by now tightened up into a little grey and wet explosion. The radio plays LOST.FM and I cringe a bit when I hear Seppo announcing MISS TK & THE REVENGE as ‘a band who’s singer is the wife of a guy of LIFETIME’. Defining a female artist by her marital status to a better known male artist – tsk, the implications! You may tie a Cymothoa exigua to my tongue if I ever start doing that. 😉

Lately I feel my inner feminist sending soft warning signals a bit more often again. Reminding me that nothing has changed. Most bands I get to see and hear about around here are all-male, all the new djs of the younger generation are boys, and I don’t see new females turning up as promoters either. Of course there are exceptions but exceptions are nothing but exemptions to the rule. Most of the time I ignore it like everybody does but sometimes it boils up and I want to shout: Ladies, what’s wrong? There are so many of you I see at shows or parties who know exactly what music and sounds they like and I see that some of you really love music. I can’t imagine that if you dance in the dark in your room you play the imaginary girl in the audience who waits to get eyed up by a guy from the band or the dj. Get your asses in motion! And by that I don’t mean shake ’em for the boys. At the same time I don’t understand how you male musicians just lean back and are happy with your status instead of feeling uncomfortable keeping music such a boy’s club thing. What about encouraging and inviting … ach, I don’t really have the energy to warm that dreary subject up again.

Death and the helplessness that comes with it was a lot on my mind lately too. How we can’t communicate the sore hole that it leaves to lose a person that matters to you. How that loss adds a new cruel and cold dimension to life as it goes on as if nothing had happened. How isolated the mourning person is in that sphere. Even from those who feel the same loss. I’m again and again amazed how perfectly we sealed off something so natural and omnipresent in our world. I hate feeling helpless.

I wish this soothing light grey Sunday afternoon would last a little longer. Some sparse sunrays come back through the clouds righ now. Don’t want tomorrow to come. It holds a visit to the dentist for me as I’ve lost a filling on Friday. You know, I’m one of those people who prefer a five hour tattoo session to 15 minutes at the dentist’s.